You have to learn to love the love around you… I made blog a few months back saying “Team Single” was not a team. The irony is being single damn near feels like a team. There are sooo many people and things behind the scenes that motivate and keep you going. It’s equivalent to being in a support group. Except its a group with dysfunctional/functional, friends, family and colleagues, married and unmarried. When you hit your 30’s you are conditioned to think about settling down, even if the decision is not to settle down, the shit will always come up. I don’t even have to want to be in a romantic relationship, I have friends and family that want me to be in a relationship. They ask about it, or randomly give unsolicited, loving advice (eye roll). I use to think this pressure was exclusive to women, apparently men get that shit too. (In my defense I have never been a man, so I just didn’t know…;)
I was talking to a newly single girlfriend today, we talked about work and our children and then she asked if I was dating anyone. I told her “no, with no prospects”… We both discussed our dating woes. It was abundantly clear, we agreed it was a chore. It was a chore because for the most part, it seems like a waste of time. One is almost reluctant to go out. I told her I wish they could tell you upfront “Hey I ain’t shit. You may want to stay home”…Yeah I know that sounds unrealistic, but its definitely a courtesy I wouldn’t mind signing up for. Dating just feels blah. I think the “blah” could come from many things, feeling forced, pressure, lack of genuine connection, or maybe wanting it too badly or not wanting it enough. For everyone it’s different.
I told her my take away in the single abyss is age doesn’t equal maturity, degree doesn’t mean smart or stable. Ethnicity doesn’t equal consistency or even better. White men lie, black men lie, men and women can be dishonest period. There isn’t a shortage of good companions, you just haven’t met the person for you. I have to admit, you just never fucking know. Like, there is no algorithm or secret fucking sauce. There is no recipe. IT HAPPENS WHEN IT HAPPENS, AND WE JUST NEED TO BE READY WHEN IT DOES. Yet, then again, you are never ready… That is life…
Realizing there is no recipe allows me to find peace in my 30’s in my “single” space. Because of this peace, it has also given me the opportunity to see the love around me… No, I am not someone’s wife, Bae, Boo, or fiancee. But…. I am a daughter, sister, auntie, niece, cousin, mother, friend… I have the type of friends and family that I can talk to about everything, call at odd hours and sit in silence with and not need to fill the silence with meaningless conversations. I get out. I go on adventures and vacations with my friends and even when they travel without me, they always bring my single ass a gift back. Yo, I have a whole team! They help me make it look easy.
And this, is when I say, you have to be able to see the love around you. No it’s not romantic, its platonic, it’s
genuine, consistent, never yielding, and unconditional. I have a whole TEAM of people that love me and support me, right or wrong. They provide laughter, hugs, ears to listen, shoulders to cry on, words to encourage, and companionship in the most genuine form. So I’m not saying give up on romantic love, I’m saying until it happens, love the love around you and never stop. Oh, and… Perspective is everything… Be Blessed.
Dedicated to my team of friends and family that love me, just because…